Fifty Shades of Grey vs. Magic Mike

Any woman of moderate intelligence has heard of the novel Fifty Shades of Grey.  I have read it. In fact, when I started reading it I hadn’t heard anything about it, only that it was a great read. Boy, was my face literally red when I started reading it while power walking on the treadmill at the gym. Thank GOD it was on my e-reader and no one could see what I was reading.

It is horribly written The actual plot is boring to mediocre – if there even is one.  It started out as Twilight fan fiction for goodness sake.  Why is it so popular? It full of sex and passion and whips and chains and lip biting.  It is a best seller.  Married women flock to it. Maybe because they are at a stalemate in their own sexual relationship. They forget what it is like to be wanted? They have hidden kinky desires? They want to see how the other half lives? They have horrible taste in books? Who knows!

To sum it up in a sentence: A woman is offered a chance to be with a man she may possibly have feelings for in exchange for being his sex slave. It has been called “mommy porn” and people have said that the high levels of sexuality in it will create a baby boom.

I 100% believe that there will be a baby boom within the next couple of years. I do NOT believe that it will be because of Fifty Shades of Grey.  There is something far greater that is coming…

It’s called Magic Mike. I don’t need to explain with words, only with the pictures below.

Do we really care if there is even a plot to this movie?

Oh, hi, Channing Tatum! Nice to meet you. How long do you think it would take me to lick you from head to toe?

“You know what I like about high school girls”…how about girls in their mid-20’s, Matthew McConaughey? How do you like us?!

…I would.

Look Mom! He’s even pretty with his shirt on.

Or at least maybe we should consider buying stocks in Duracell…

–          Smokie

Call Me, Maybe? But Probably Not Meet Me…

Time for another rant! This has happened to both Lynx and I time and time again – you find a cute guy online. You message back and forth a couple times – really seem to carry conversation well – arrange to meet and it keeps getting put off. But they keep messaging you still, insisting they want to meet but never actually doing so, until you get bored and stop messaging them. Why do guys do this? This is a list of the excuses we have received, as well as some that we just think might be the real reasons:

1) “I am sorry, I am just really busy”… Unlikely. If they want to meet you, they will find the time. If they can’t find the time to meet you, how do they expect to find the time to actually date you if it goes well?

2) They actually live several provinces away. True story. So why bother messaging and pretending to arrange a time to meet in the first place? Why waste my time?!

3) Their pictures are not actually of them. It happens! Stupid insecure guys. Refer to our post on lies guys tell!

4) They have a girlfriend and need to find time to sneak around or need to see if you are worth it before they break up with their girlfriend. Yep. It’s happened. Sometimes these guys are actually good guys looking to get out of a not-so-good relationship, but they are the needy type that can’t be single and need to have something else lined up before they break it off.

5) They have gained weight and/or lost hair since their profile picture was taken. Here’s a novel idea: Why not use a recent photo and avoid this all together? But that might mean coming to the realization that you can no longer snag the hotties you could ten years ago. You are NOT Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused.

6) They are scared – of what?! I don’t know. Worst case scenario the date sucks and you go back to not talking to someone you didn’t know anyway.

7) You intimidate them. This is probably the #1 reason. Both Lynx and I are attractive (well we are!!!), intelligent individuals. We are educated and have careers and, to put it simple “We have our shit together”. We aren’t into fixing broken guys.

The point of the story is…don’t waste our time – or yours – if you never intend on actually meeting us. Yes, we get that sometimes guys just want attention too, but don’t get our hopes up. You just end up looking like a douche.

– Smokie

Willing to Lie About How We Met

“Willing to Lie about How We Met” is a statement that many guys write in their online dating profiles. This is a HUGE turn off for us! Why? Here are just a few reasons:

1)      Are you embarrassed that you are online dating? Would you be embarrassed if someone you didn’t know added you to Facebook and then asked you out? Isn’t it pretty much the same thing?

2)      You are asking me to lie. That doesn’t say much about you – asking me to lie before I have even met you. OK. So when you plot and murder an old man for the insurance money, do you expect me to cover for you then to?!

3)      If you are planning on lying about how we met, what else are you planning on lying about? Or have you already lied about? Clearly honesty is something that is not important to you.

In today’s society online dating is a form of Social Media. There is NOTHING to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. What IS embarrassing is being in your 30’s and ‘meeting’ someone at a night club by grinding up against them.

End rant!